update

somewhat living in a movie | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

New book posts:

Just one post this time. I’m trying to manage my health & catching up to this semester’s workload … seeing as I’m 1/4 into the semester and was so behind bc of reasons outside my control, but I’m truly starting to catch up with my readings & weekly sheets of problems to work through.

Other books I’ve been reading:

One goal this year is to spend less money on books by using the library a lot more. I’ve figured out how to “order” books to my local one now and also which one’s they have semi-regularly in stock, so I just got the Heartstopper vol. 2 & 3 by Alice Oseman and I’m so excited, having just begun to read them.

Added to TBR:

  • This Is Where the World Ends by Amy Zhang (young adult): I truly can’t remember how this book got on my radar, it’s baffling, it just suddenly was on my TBR and I’ve lost all thoughts around why
  • The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami (magical realism): I’d never heard about this Murakami book before, seems promising.
  • The Legend of Korra Turf Wars Part One (graphic novel, lgbt f/f): from the creators of the Avatar Last Airbender spin-off about Korra, this continues where the animated tv series stops and hopefully will motivate me to actually finish the tv series.
  • Astrobiology: A Very Short Introduction by David C. Catling: I also am on physics/stem tiktok and someone recommended the oxford’s very short introduction series to people who want to get into something and Astrobiology is definitely one of those things I would really really want to know more about. It’s also like 160 pages.
  • Kant: A Very Short Introduction by Roger Scruton. I’m forced to take philosophy (science-related) as an obligatory class next semester and hopefully over the christmas I can read myself up, so I can actually focus on something else instead. I like diving into philosophy ocassionally, but not this “obligatory” aspect.
  • Black Code: Inside the Battle for Cyberspace by Ronald J. Deibert (nonfiction about tech and safety): either Edward Snowden recommended this book or I found it while reasearching more around one of the themes he talks about.

Three things on my mind:

  • We’re all struggling in this mid-corona university daily life, even though my friends in other cities are struggling with a lot more cases. Fortunately my city have barely any at the moment, meaning we’re starting to find an altered normal to get back to. But Thursday was a strange day. So many things went wrong this day that you’re just going to have to take my word for it, but let me explain that until dinner time I had been on campus for the first time in a while getting nothing done because anxiety, taken three annoying calls, half-hour bike ride to an important appointment that got cancelled, was nearly blown off the road with the bike as a storm was passing nearby, got lost on the small roads trying to get home through an unfamiliar, safer way. Oh, I forgot the part where a half-naked very nice man opened his curtains to find me tearing up my fingers trying to remove a baggage strap from my gears as I was running late and lending me his scissors. And then we’re back to the truly interesting part where three roommates found an unopened, old, 200 kg safe being given away and decided to get it. I sat there, truly exhausted and cold, as they discussed it. I had yet to eat anything but a piece of cake because I was supposed to have gotten home a long time ago. Still, I quickly grabbed something to eat and joined several long walks as it’s not every day old & new roommates bond together to get equipment to carry that safe up a staircase and home, through multiple busy roads. It got opened over the weekend, it wasn’t an easy task. It was empty in the end, but the adventure felt worth it. I love living where I do, a year later it is as exciting as ever, even if we also had a frying pan thrown against our very sturdy door yesterday. I’m suspecting the floor above us, and that we have to prepare for a more long-running war. We might have showed up at their door last week investigating the loud noises that had been increasing tenfold lately.
  • I’m finally committing to actually read the books of my small uni book club now that we’re not spending way too much time on Lolita, meaning I have to re-read “The Trial” by Kafka and read “Dune” by Frank Herbert. Yeah, I know I already should’ve read Dune as the fantasy geek that occassionally goes into sci-fi territory that I am.
  • I’m stressed. We’re all stressed. Go buy an more expensive or interesting coffee type than usual and watch the autumn leaves fall like raindrops from the trees if the wind is blowing. It is what I did today, as my hospital visits won’t get less stressful in the near future and I need to decompress afterwards. It’s gotten so difficult to divide what is free time and not as a student during corona, especially if you like me have hospital appoinments (or equivalent) randomly during the day that keep you from having a schedule that looks anything similar every week. I do need to learn to see this type of activity as of the same value (because it’s actually more valuable) as studying or schoolwork, especially as it’s more taxing. It truly isn’t that easy to be kind to oneself.

Hp & the deathly weapons made my week | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

New book posts:

Other books I’ve been reading:

  • Love and Math by Edward Frenkel
  • A Poetry Hanbook by Mary Oliver

Added to TBR:

  • The Lottery by Shirley Jackson (classics, short story, horror)
  • Pedagogy of the oppressed by Paulo Freire (nonfiction, pedagogy, politics)
  • Chilling adventures of Sabrina vol. 1 by Aguirre-Sacasa and Hack (graphic novel)
  • The Little Friend by Donna Tartt: not that excited by this book synopsis or the lack of knowledge I’ve got of it even while being a big Tartt reader, but still – I got to give it a try
  • Lanny by Max Porter (magical realism, small-town)
  • American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis: because my deep down on him, Donna Tartt and their time at Bennington College has interested me enough to actually read his book even though I do believe he’s a high grade idiot at his older days from the clips I’ve seen.

Three things on my mind:

  • I always know I’m going to be offline when starting a new semester, but this time a lot was thrown at me in a row. Do you ever get the feeling that if you knew beforehand how much you would have to go through in a short amount of time – you would just not be able to? I’m not so sure I want to be able to tell the future, is what I’m saying. Anyway, I’m leaving those two massive physics exams, then writing a majorly important letter of complaint bc of misdiagnosis (in hopes of an apology or at least that the doctor not make that mistake again) the last possible day before it would be out-dated like its own “statue of limitation” kind of thing. It was then followed by a week filled with every major hospital appointment at once (bc everything was postponed until now that corona is less of a problem here) and an abrupt total worsening of my autoimmune disease. Also during those three weeks I had signed up to welcome new students, so I went to a couple social gatherings, which made me even more tired, but also might have brought the break of normalcy to save my brain a little (well, a lot).
  • Ahh, a book blog this was supposed to be. Well, there’s been a lack of book blog posts, but it’s coming. Until then I would highly recommend writing some of Mary Oliver poetry on a sheet and hang it on the wall, reciting each one as many times you want until you feel comforted enough to sleep. My favourites recently has been “Wild Geese”, “I go down to the shore”, “An old story” and “Dogfish” (link here!).
  • HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY WEAPONS! Why hadn’t I heard of this fanedit of the first hp movie that turns every wand into a gun along with more clever & fun additions to scenes? I had doubts, thinking it would be overwhelmingly much, but it’s just far enough between the altered scene that it’s just easter-egg kind of surprises to a movie you (hopefully) already love. (I realize after some research that I didn’t know about it until now because it came out a month ago … in which I was as mentioned prev. very offline.) Here’s more info.

university has become my home | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

New book posts:

Other books I’ve been reading:

A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor by Hank Green (it was so awesome)

Added to TBR:

  • Starlight by Richard Wagamese (ownvoices for indigenous)
  • The end of everything (astrophysically speaking) by Katie Mack (science, physics): I’ve followed Mack on twitter for a while and she’s this great astrophysicist, so I’ve been truly looking forward to this book
  • The winter duke by Claire Eliza Bartlett (YA fantasy, lgbt; f/f & nonbinary characters)
  • Spellbooks of the lost and found by Moira Fowley-Doyle (magical realism, lgbt; bi): I do truly love good trios, especially if they’re witches
  • Mexican gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (horror, historical fiction, gothic, set in Mexico)
  • The city we became by N. K. Jemisin (urban fantasy, lgbt)
  • Burn by Patrick Ness (dragons!!!, fantasy)
  • Crescent City by Sarah J. Maas (fantasy): because I should give up on her by now, but everyone seem to like this (finally) adult book and I can’t help being interested/hopeful
  • Kingdom of souls by Rena Barron (fantasy, set in West Africa)
  • A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini (historical fiction, Afghanistan)
  • Rooftops of Tehran by Mahbod Seraji (historical fiction): I’ve actually wanted to read this for a long time, but never added it to my TBR somehow?? I’ve seen some amazing quotes/paragraphs from here out of context.
  • Earth and ashes by Atiq Rahimi (historical fiction, war, Afghanistan)
  • PET by Awaeke Emezi (YA fantasy, trans mc, Nigerian author)
  • Passenger to Tehran by V. Sackville-West (travel, memoir-like, set in 1926): I fell down a rabbit hole reading about her life dating both men and women and this book written as a diplomat’s wife seems very interesting
  • Honeybee by Trista Mateer (poetry, lgbt, smalltown)
  • SHOUT by Laurie Halse Anderson (poetry, sexual abuse)
  • Rosewater by Tade Thompson (sci-fi, fantasy, set in Nigeria)
  • Riot Baby by Tochi Onyebuchi (sci-fi, fantasy)

Three things on my mind:

  • I read too little of non-bookblog articles about books I guess, but a lot of the new books I wanted to read above came from an article from Tor publishing on 25 most anticipated sci-fi & fantasy books of 2020
  • It was another quote from an article that set me out on a deep rabbit hole; Esquire’s “The Secret Oral History of Bennington”. It’s about the college in the 80’s, producing a group of famous artists, including Donna Tartt (the author of two of my favourite books; The Secret History & The Goldfinch) and American Psycho’s Bret Easton Ellis. There’s so many good quotes in that article, and I’ve rarely trusted a group of people less to say the truth accurately and not have a skewed perspective because of their heightened sense of self-worth. Doesn’t make it any less fascinating to look into, though.

TODD O’NEAL: The Secret History isn’t so much a work of fiction. It’s a work of thinly veiled reality—a roman à clef. When it came out, Claude and Matt and I got endless calls. Everybody was saying, “Oh, did you know Donna just wrote a book about Claude and you all? And Claude is Julian and Matt is Bunny and you’re Henry.”

Todd O’Neal was another student at the college Tartt attended
  • I booked my tickets back to university, finally. I knew more people would travel by train because of corona making planes more unsafe, but I didn’t realize 95% of the tickets would be sold out for the next week and a half during what’s still summer! We don’t start up school again truly for another three weeks guys! Seems like everyone is like me and have decided that five months away from my dorm is already too long. The fact that it’s still summer also means that they’re working on the tracks, so instead of eight hours, it’s a twelve hour train trip. And I’m truly sick from an sinus infection (I tested negative for corona, no worries), so that will be hell on earth, no matter how much I love train-rides. I went on a hunch that the earlier train at the end of the week was the right one, and a minute afterwards my new roommate (and friend) texts me, turns out we’re on the same one train by accident.

If there’s something I’ve learned in my personal life this week is the reinforcement of this idea – find your support anywhere you can, trust those people even if it will hurt if they break that trust, create your own family through friends. It goes with the story that I’m leaving earlier than expected because shit went down, that I’m lucky to have a mom that loves me, and that I’ve experienced a lot of rejections from family in the last five months. I miss my uni family, so deeply. Soon I will again use my insomniac nights sending my rants on literature, in this case it would be Bennington College and the type of elitism there, to the other insomniac directly across the hall until we both give up and meet for a nightly snack in the kitchen.

I went into my first year of university knowing that I could count on no one to be there to catch me if I fell. I’m going into the second year of university having stumbled and fallen a lot these last five months, but always having the hope that I would be back home soon, where people are so different in how they show they care – but they all do. Only four days left.

living out my cottagecore dreams | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

New book posts:

Queer book posts so far this pride month –

Others –

Other books I’ve been reading:

  • “Zero Sum Game”, “Null Set” and “Critical Point” all three books (yet) of the Cas Russel series by S. L. Huang
  • City of Strife by Claudie Arseneault (fantasy, all queer cast of characters)
  • Almost Home by Madisen Kuhn (poetry)
  • To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
  • Wilder Girls by Rory Power (queer girls, f/f relationship, horror)
  • The Sword of Summer (Magnus Chase #1) by Rick Riordan (fantasy, mythology)

Added to TBR:

  • Most of the new books I want to read is from this post from @coolcurrybooks on tumblr on anti-heroines in sci-fi and fantasy books! It’s also what made me pick up Zero Sum Game!
  • Shattered minds by Laura Lam (sci-fi, thriller, anti-heroine)
  • A ruin of shadows by L. D. Lewis /fantasy, anti-heroine, short!)
  • Ship of smoke and steel by Django Wexler (fantasy, anti-heroine, bi mc)
  • The library of the unwritten by A. J. Hackwith (fantasy, pan mc, about books, anti-heroine)
  • Of sorrow and such by Angela Slatter (fantasy, witch, anti-heroine)
  • God’s war by Kameron Hurley (sci-fi/fantasy)
  • Highfire by Eoin Colfer (fantasy, dragons): because I’ve never read any of Colfer’s adult work, just Artemis Fowl which I grew up with loving
  • Mask of shadows by Linsey Miller (fantasy, revenge-story, anti-hero/heroine bc genderfluid mc)

Three things on my mind:

  • I tried to participate in Pride Library 2020 and knew from the start it would porbably be more difficult to keep up throughout this month, but I got a couple posts out. I hope to continue to read more queer books throughout the summer and spread out more posts inspired by the good prompts that way.

  • Ten days I spent living out my cottagecore dreams, visiting my boyfriend and his parents, who have a very small farm. It was a blast; baking, making food from scratch with ingredients from their garden, seeing how they have this whole beer brewing system going on, their focus on being as ecofriendly as possible, bonfires so many days in a row, taking long walks with their husky dog, not to mention the happiness at seeing my bf after three months apart or something bc of covid-19. I never truly got to say goodbye to him because I had to instantly isolate as someone at high risk and then leave town as quickly as possible, and it truly bothered me more than I realized. Otherwise I’m also dealing with chronic illness symptoms and generally being tired to the bone, even if I was fortunate enough to get a break from it most of my time there.

  • Along that route, I’m already starting to plan out how to be most visibly bisexual as new physics students arrive for the fall semester, and I would love some input if you’ve got suggestions! There’s many reason why this is important to me; diversity and physics isn’t the most common combination yet and I want to participate the ways I can. But also I think many students, especially the nerdier ones like me, arrive at college/university with the wish of being the most themselves they can and I want to support and encourage that. I have an incredibly supportive bf (or I wouldn’t have dated him), but it makes it even more difficult to be out without making an effort. It also meant so much to me to see the older student welcoming us with rainbow socks, and I want to pay it forward. And look what I found that could be a great first step, made by ProudScience on etsy!!
Pins by ProudScience on etsy

Tv series w/ flowers, bookclubs & bloodshed| Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // eline3 Comments

New book posts:

Other books I’ve been reading:

  • A lot of graphic novels! Post coming up.

Added to TBR:

  • The music and the mirror by Lola Keeley (lesbian ballerinas)
  • First position by Melissa Brayden (more lesbian ballerinas)
  • The lady’s guide to celestial mechanics by Olivia Waite (historical lesbians)
  • Almost home by Madison Kuhn (poetry)
  • Please don’t go before I get better by Madisen Kuhn (poetry)
  • Shame is an ocean I swim across by Mary Lambert (poetry, queer, tw for suicide and rape and probably more)
  • Her royal highness by Rachel Hawking (f/f romance, ya, enemies to lovers trope)
  • A matter of disagreement by E. E. Ottoman (m/m romance, trans mc, fantasy)
  • Wolfsong by T. J. Klune (fantasy, m/m romance)
  • Aphrodite made me do it by Trista Mateer (queer poetry)
  • Valkyrie by Sophia Elaine Hanson (poetry)
  • Damage control by Jae (lesbians)

Three things on my mind:

  • I’ve fallen in love with aesthetics like dark academia, light academia and cottagecore all over again. Mainly because I miss my homes, both the one in the valley village I left for university (cottagecore all the way), and the new one I created at university studying physics (where academia longing sets in).
  • In the same mindset I recently found two TV series and then the inspirations behind those, and didn’t realize before later how polar opposites they are. For the first time in a while I’ve been posting on my tumblr (same name) again, mostly about these.

“Deadly Class” is extremely violent and (kind of) dark academia, just with assassins and found-family trope. What got me hooked on this series is how much the main character reminds me of Neil Josten when arriving to the team in The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic. They’re equally lost, traumatized & untrusting of everyone. The comics are simply multiple bloodbaths (truly, be warned!) as they continue where the cancelled-after-one-season TV series left it. Definitely search up trigger warnings before getting into it. It’s as far from young adult things you can come while also taking place in a boarding school.

“Anne with an E” is the polar opposite, just pure periodic drama, which isn’t usually my thing, but this has enough queer rich aunts and a girl who can’t stop creating stories, along with flowers and cottagecore aesthetics ft. a lovely bookclub hut built in the forest. It certainly has its darker hardships as well as a farming community tries to survive, but I have one season left and I’m going to savour it. Newly added to my favourite TV series.

  • I wrote about platonic love in my review of the graphic novel I Think I Am In Friend-Love With You by Yumi Sakugawa and since it’s been roaming around my head. I really think we need more platonic love things and reminders. Like I love the found-family trope, but it doesn’t really dive deep enough into that special bond that exists usually. There’s a reason many love the “I would die for you” friendships of the Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo.

Let me know how your quarantine is going! Link a post talking about it if you want to.

let’s hate everything for a little while | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // eline4 Comments

New book posts:

Other books I’ve been reading:

  • By grand central station I sat down and wept by Elizabeth Smart
  • An unquiet mind by Kay Redfield Jamison
  • When we collided by Emery Lord
  • The midnight lie by Marie Rutkoski

Added to TBR:

  • It’s kind of a funny story by Ned Vizzini (mental illness, tw: suicidal mc)
  • The shadows between us by Tricia Levenseller (new YA fantasy release that I’ve seen a lot of praise about): also has a female mc that is trying to marry and then kill the current kind, wooo drama)
  • City of ghosts by Victoria Schwab (middle grade or YA fantasy/paranormal): set in Edinburgh and especially Mary’s Close which was my highlight of my trip there!
  • When we were magic by Sarah Gailey (new YA lgbt witch fantasy): it promises queer witch girls and a good friendgroup.
  • The story of more by Hope Jahren (science book about climate change): the author already proved she could write with the fantastic Lab Girl, so I’m really looking forward to this book
  • Catch and kill by Ronan Farrow (nonfiction; about sexual predators): I didn’t know Ronan Farrow was the journalist behind publishing the Weinstein case before recently

Three things on my mind:

  • I’m not doing good in the middle of this. I wasn’t doing good going into it. Just got in touch with therapist again after radio silence since I left the city three weeks ago, so that’s good. I might’ve also gotten corona? Or it could’ve been any awful infection or worsening of any condition I had, but I was so incredibly ill for a bit over a week. I’m currently taking it one hour at a time, trying to not force myself to see this as extra time I should use to be productive, because there’s an epidemic out there and everything is difficult for everyone. Stay safe.
  • Our exams is still on; but from home and most of our grades are changed from A-F to pass/not pass. It’s so incredibly difficult to do things, but the external university stress at least brings some degree of familiarity. It’s funny how this whole year I’ve been like “as long as university stress is my without-a-doubt biggest source of stress, I’m going to be able to do this”. I was thinking about personal mental and physical health, as well as family trouble, but well shit, who would’ve counted on a epidemic. It’s also funny how before this really went downhill, I was convinced something big was coming and that the future months looked like a dark hole and why bother planning for anything. I talked about it with my therapist, I was like “what kind of depressive anxiety is this” and then it turned out to be real.
  • Two youtube recommendations; the amazing Conan Gray dropped an album, and Hank Green conveys a connection I’d been pondering on – how his (and mine) crohn’s diagnosis and this corona outbreak changing the ordinary carries a similar feeling

(Pre-corona times) wine trip | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

Hey, this post was created a couple weeks ago actually, and I somehow never posted it. So I’m going to create a newer one, with all this corona stuff really impacting my life as it does many right now, but enjoy this light-hearted one hahha. Also my france/germany trip was before outbreaks happened in the area.

New book posts:

Other books I’ve been reading:

  • The stranger by Albert Camus (currently reading)
  • On earth we’re briefly gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (currently reading)
  • Night sky with exit wounds by Ocean Vuong
  • Felicity by Mary Oliver
  • Soft science by Franny Choi
  • Ordinary beast by Nicole Sealey
  • Corazón by Yesika Salgado
  • When We Collided by Emery Lord

Added to TBR:

  • Loveless by Alice Oseman (ace! character! and fantastic author)
  • Red, white & royal blue by Casey McQuinston (gay royal romance)
  • Akata witch by Nnedi Okorafor (YA fantasy)
  • Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi (magical realism & mental illness; fractured sense of self, set in Nigeria)
  • How to make a wish by Ashley Herring Blake (YA f/f romance)
  • Crier’s war by Nina Varela (queer fantasy; i’m promised f/f romance, bisexual and lesbians and enemies to lover trope)
  • Come to the rocks by Christin Haws (mermaids with f/f romance)
  • Storm in a teacup by Helen Czerski (science! physics! this could be very good or very bad)
  • Tesoro by Yesika Salgado (poetry)

Three things on my mind:

  • I’m still doing this physics first year of university thing, funny enough. Is it crazy that I thought I would fail before now? It’s not going great overall, but I really like the physics and uni and friends part. One reason it’s not going great overall; I’ve been sick. A bit of a physical illness. But mostly, looking back, my productivity has been greatly damaged by mental illness as well, leading to general inconsistency. Ah yes, I was also diagnosed with a mental illness this week. Which I didn’t think would happen? But it made sense and oh well, it’s going to take some time to get used to having a label on my troubles.

  • I was in France!! And Germany!! Drinking wine!! With this physics & maths wine club I’m in. I became a real wine enthusiast on one (1) trip, and two wine tastings. I also might’ve smiled too wide at the table when the last and most fancy wine expert basically GURGLED his wine, like in parodies. AND MY BOYFRIEND, GERMAN-SPEAKING, HAD TO TRANSLATE THIS GUY SAYING IN A STERN VOICE “THIS MIGHT SEEM STRANGE, AS THE YOUNG WOMAN IS LAUGHING, BUT IT HELPS TO -” (insert expand surface and tastebuds and all that explanation). I was too many glasses of wine in and too entertained to be embarassed, but it was embarassing. And beautiful – the whole trip. The most embarassing moment, for who I’m not sure, happened while we were all learning about making wine, from someone who had more humor. My best friend said what I itched to say, but decided not to; “oh we make wine too”, pointing to the leader of the group. And he had to swifly try, and fail, to explain is that our university wine club’s wine is not made from grapes picked carefully and hundreds of year’s of expertise; but y taking basically grape juice, adding yeast and trying to get a high alcohol percentage. I smiled the whole rest of the tour, while the wine expert repeatedly turned to our leader and spoke to him like he knew the process, waiting for the moment we were alone and my best friend to get yelled at. It was all I hoped for. Lesson learned; don’t expect a bunch of physics & math students to take the social cue in any situation.

  • So the trick to read more books again is to take a flight to France/Germany (it was the border, so we were both places), as well as be just sick in general and forced to relax aka read.

christmas isn’t easy & lots of reading | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

New book posts:

Other books I’ve been reading:

  • I’ve been rereading the All for the game series, obviously
  • Call down the hawk by Maggie Stiefvater, the first book of the new Dreamer series about Ronan Lynch was amazing
  • The vanishing stair by Maureen Johnson, the second book of the Truly Devious series was a great read as well
  • Six not-so-easy pieces by Richard Feynman wasn’t really what I expected, as I was surprised at how much I’ve absorbed of physics lately, but it’s a great intro book to physics concepts (a sequel to six easy pieces if you will)!
  • Physics of the impossible by Michio Kaku (currently reading)
  • Elantris by Brandon Sanderson – just finished!!! I’m confused by my feelings toward this book, I need some time to think. But while Sanderson is great at worldbuilding, I felt the characters and the world lacked something in comparison to his other books.
  • The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson (young adult).
  • Borderline by Mishell Baker (review posted!)

Added to TBR:

  • A lot of textbooks for the many classes I want to take, but don’t have time in my schedule for (I’m already two math classes over the average amount, let’s see if I have to cut one during the semester)

I rewatched the poet Rhiannon McGavin’s 2018 books to read, which made me add a lot more books to my TBR:

  • Wanderlust by Rebecca Solnit (nonfiction, essay)
  • A Handbook of Disappointed Fate by Anne Boyer (poetry, essay)
  • Look by Solmaz Sharif (poetry)
  • Loose Woman by Sandra Cisneros (poetry)
  • The Vanishing Princess by Jenny Diski (short story)

And then I watched The brain scoop’s Emily Graslie recommend science books:

  • The Rambunctious Garden: Saving Nature in a Post-Wild World by Emma Marris (nonfiction, science)

Three things on my mind:

  • I watched the Looking for Alaska mini-series and while Alaska herself wasn’t like I saw her first reading the book, I really overall liked the series. It had it flaws, but it could’ve been done so much worse and the essence of the story was there. It definitely was enough to make me cry, twice.
  • I’m not in my own tiny apartment because it’s christmas. And I’m not “home”, as in the family house I left from this summer, because my family moved. In other words, there’s a lot of things I hate about this christmas time already (it’s an inconvenient time to be sick as a chronically ill person), and now I don’t have any of my privacy or comfortable things. I do love seeing my family, and all the love going around. I just really miss the small amount of stability I’ve built up around myself during the past months, and I miss my friends.
  • But! I expected this christmas break sadness to fall upon my fragile self! (or fragile mental health, this girl is doing something about that first thing next year). And I took precautions by booking a trip to Edinburgh so I wouldn’t be (hopefully) too long in one place. This has brought with it its own stress, but I’m so excited to go. I would be happy to take any advice if you’ve ever been to Edinburgh!

a row of failed book posts. and seeing a psychologist. | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

Ok, I hope I don’t have to specify how those two things were unrelated.

The lack of uploads are because of *drumroll* – me not reading anything! YEAH. NO. I hate it, but you know – starting university. My first meeting ever in a book club was a while ago and it went great, I talked mostly not about books with other people, but also lent out my copy of my favourite of Mary Oliver’s poetry collections; “A thousand mornings” (review linked) so I see that as a success. Anyway, we’re supposed to start with discussing “1984” by George Orwell and I haven’t even gotten to opening that book, let alone one I actually want to read.

New book posts:

Failed book posts:

So, I started a lot of book posts this summer and then I either didn’t finish them and let too much time pass or I just realized they existed, and they might be published soon-ish.

  • Shatter Me reread!!! It really held up, I loved it so much the first time and nearly equally much this time. I don’t know how many times I’ve read it now. I’m still amazed by how nuanced and morally gray all the characters are, and how amazingly Tahereh Mafi describes Juliette’s feelings of isolation and her transformation and personal change through the series.
  • Also I read Restore Me by Tahereh Mafi, the 4th book of the series. I never wrote that review either, mostly because I read the books so quickly that I mixed them all together in my head.
  • “Why I love the ocean” is a post I’ve had in the works for so long and never really got the final edit down on. I’m just going to force myself away from it and publish it as unfinished as it feels. There’s some things that just always could be made better.
  • Two other books I loved, but apparantly never reviewed??? (Don’t You) Forget About Me by Kate Karyus Quinn and Running with Lions by Julian Winters.
  • Lab Girl by Hope Jahren was my all year favourite book, and probably a review will be posted towards the end of the year – but I’ll have to reread it because I was so immersed in thinking about that story I forgot to write any of those thoughts down! I can’t recommend it enough, especially for people who want to look into one scientist’s life and made me so excited for university, even though I’m studying physics.
  • Posts about ways I try to declutter my way-too-long TBR
  • I started a series of posts called “reading my lowest rated books (on goodreads)” to find out the reasons behind it, but then I just stopped reading in general soo… some other time it will be a good idea?

Other books I’ve been reading:

  • Six Not-So-Easy Pieces by Richard Feynman (about physics, it’s the only thing I can allow myself to read right now hahhha). Six Easy Pieces (the first book in some ways) was a really good intro to physics for anyone.

Added to TBR:

IT’S THREE MEMOIRS! I love listening to memoirs on audiobook (it’s basically the only type of audiobook I really love), so I’m looking forward to this.

  • Over the Top by Jonathan Van Ness
  • Permanent Record by Edward Snowden
  • Antoni in the Kitchen by Antoni Porowski

Three things on my mind:

  • This last week sucked so badly, because of migraines. I’m really going to have to pull myself out of studying and doing fun things and put more effort into taking care of myself and getting myself to the doctor(s) to change some medicines.
  • About taking care of yourself; after moving by myself one thing I’ve really realized is that no one around me yet recognize how difficult certain things are for me. It should be a given, but it wasn’t. Mainly the small things. I made myself do the work necessary for paperwork connected with illness and hospital this week. I made myself agree to getting my first every appointment with a psychologist be moved up, even though I was freaking out for two days thinking about nothing else. I made myself go there, to be honest. And then it took a few more steps, with the guidance of that psychologist, to get me into the right place for more evaluation and eventually treatment. I’ve felt horrible all week, physically and mentally. But I did that. And I’m proud of myself for it.
  • Also I realized after that I really needed that first psychologist to believe me, to say that something was wrong with the way that I felt. Even though I knew she needed to refer me to someplace else, as her field is more general student problems and depression/anxiety, I needed that first person to agree with me that I was experiencing dissociation and to say what I was afraid of and call it (a most likely, and trying to be vague) disorder stemming from traumatic experiences. I don’t think what I brought to her table was what she expected that thursday morning, but I don’t feel too bad because of how intrigued she looked towards the end, trying to figure out which symptoms I was experiencing.

First weeks at university | Bi-Weekly Update

aquapages // elineLeave a comment

So I made a tiny update half a month ago, and then disappeared again. Well, it’s probably going to happen more this coming weeks. It’s currently 2 am, because that’s when I have actual time to myself anymore. Let start with some book things –

I’ve posted two scheduled posts, not even worth mentioning. What is more interesting is how I found “On Dublin Street” by Samantha Young from a twitter aesthetic photo, and started reading it immediately. It’s a not-at-all-well-written smut, but it was something to get me starting reading again between huge textbooks. In the beginning of August I also read and really liked the heavier and much more thought-provoking pieces of work that is Karamo’s memoir and Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan.

I’ve joined a book club on campus!

Or I’m going to, next week. I’m so excited about how cozy it’s going to be, and I’m definitely bringing blankets, sitting there sipping tea discussing books in real life for the first time in forever.

I’ve started university, first year bachelor in physics

My main worry was going into university with heavy courseload right off the bat, without time to get to know people. Well – yes and no? The first week was without many lectures or school, just a lot of info, but a completely full social program, meaning I was barely home from 8 am to like 2 am the next day. And then came a week with both MORE lectures than usual AND social happenings all the time (but luckily less partying, or at least I toned it down a lot). I’ve gotten to know the smartest, most inclusive, most nerdy (I really love how nerdy we all are) people. I really missed from high school the fact that, while I did have friends that cared about their subjects, I wanted someone to discuss things with that were genuinely interested in how and why behind science and not just focused on doing well to get into med-school or memorizing things.

I also live in a huge building with my own bathroom, but sharing kitchen with 14 other people. And while it does sound terrifying, it has gone okay (it’s still too dirty, we’re working on it), and it’s lovely to come home to people when you’re so far away from family. We have one international student among us, a master student from India, and he talked about how he hoped we would become a big family-like group. And I really hope so. I really connected with one girl and her friend the first day here, and she noted all of us living here were acting like “very introverted siblings who have care and warmth for each other when we meet in the kitchen, but all scatter to their own rooms straight afterwards to do their own things”.

I’m sorry to say I have had no time to catch up on people’s blogs! I miss writing reviews the most personally, and really hope things will calm down a bit sooner rather than later. It’s such a weird feeling being in this situation because every routine in my life has to be made from scratch, and until now I’ve had no regular schedule to work with. And also my room has been a mess of trying to find things packed in boxes. And I’ve been up to 2 am too often, and actually twice until 7 am, discussing books and the most nerdy shit at parties. While I’m not quite similiar to all the people I study with, I really find myself at ease among them.

Also, believe it or not (my parents surely don’t), I’ve already spent a lot of hours with my head in textbooks and chewing on pens trying to solve the same math problems for the past hour and getting ten different answers that all aren’t quite correct. (Fuck you, matrices). While I’m a physics undergraduate, I’ve got two math, one physics and one IT subject this year. It’s already been joked about how I, still using my fingers to count most of the time, managed to get into uni. Oh, how I wish I could calculate large numbers immediately as some I’ve met here. I’ve been warned by master students that this one physics course is THE TOUGHEST course they’ve taken (considering the level of knowledge they had at the time) and that the only good advice they can give is to just stick with it and never give up. So I’m planning on taking it one step at a time, trying to get to that finish line of first exams in December in one piece. But also, besides the book club, the math/physics students also have a lot of other things going on, of which I’m definitely joining producing 400 L of what’s called “wine” (with the quotes, yes I’m suspicious as well, something about making it from a concentrate).

In general, I’m so up in the skies, and so damn tired, that I really don’t know what to expect going forward. It’s been a lot this past month and while I’ve adapted to situations out of need this quickly before, I’ve voluntarily put myself out there and never before grown as much as a person as a result. Who knows, might be temporary.

Back to the books!

Added to my TBR recently:

  • The Incendiaries by R. O. Kwon (contemporary fiction. I saw something by the author on twitter – can’t remember what – that made me very interested in this book)
  • Wild by Cheryl Strayed (nonfic memoir)
  • Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee (sci-fi, space opera)
  • Conservation of Shadows by Yoon Ha Lee (short sci-fi/fantasy stories)
  • Bloom by Kevin Panetta & Savanna Ganucheau (lgbt YA graphic novels)
  • Sea Witch by Sarah Henning (YA fantasy, mermaids)
  • Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge (nonfic, feminism, race, politics)
  • Educated by Tara Westover (memoir)
  • Both these books were brought up and recommended by someone I got to know, so even if they’re quite out of what I would normally read, I’m hoping to pick them up and hopefully find some really interesting points in them