Crush by Richard SIken

I don’t get it and I’m so confused.

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Synopsis

Richard Siken’s Crush, selected as the 2004 winner of the Yale Younger Poets prize, is a powerful collection of poems driven by obsession and love. Siken writes with ferocity, and his reader hurtles unstoppably with him. His poetry is confessional, gay, savage, and charged with violent eroticism. In the world of American poetry, Siken’s voice is striking. In her introduction to the book, competition judge Louise Glück hails the “cumulative, driving, apocalyptic power, [and] purgatorial recklessness” of Siken’s poems. She notes, “Books of this kind dream big. . . . They restore to poetry that sense of crucial moment and crucial utterance which may indeed be the great genius of the form.”

My thoughts

tre

Usually, when I don’t understand poetry or other fiction, I know there’s a deeper meaning and I’m simply missing some connection that I need to completely understand it. Not with this book. The great goodreads ratings (4.3 average) tilts towards me being the one left out in this scenario, but I’m not sure everyone else is not just playing along (jk).

I get that it’s good poetry, somehow. It has a nice flow, and some phrases that paints very endearing and engaging pictures. I even like and understand some poems. But suddenly I don’t get how one part of a poem connects to the next? Or what it’s about, always? heeelp. The poems are mostly about love and obsession, as the synopsis says, along with being gay and crushing on guys. There’s also a “burn it all or die” feeling to some, where the promised apocalyptic theme comes in.

So, besides the all over the place feeling, the rows of rewritten lines all saying the same thing, angsty images of everything ending in bodies, death and twisted love, besides all that it has some beautiful moments. And I have to say I enjoyed a bit of the angst and death as well, it just flowed too much together and was repetitive in a way I can’t say I prefer. Maybe I will like it better the third time I read through? Hmm. He’s undoubtedly a brilliant writer and I think I’ll rather check out other of his collections to see if they fit me better.

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My favourite poems of this collection: scheherazade, little beast, unfinished duet, wishbone and you are jeff. There’s something in all of them I don’t understand, in “wishbone” that part is almost everything.

The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins

i had never expected it to be this full of horror and blood, but i love it

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I also have no idea where I heard about this book, it’s like it magically appeared in my TBR a long time ago and I finally got to it, thinking it seemed autumn-ish from the cover.

HAHAH. I was not prepared at all.

There’s some books so hard to explain without spoiling the plot. It makes it nearly impossible to recommend any other way than yelling “IT’S GOOD I PROMISE”. But if you want more info: it’s a fantasy/sci-fi/mystery/horror story. Very specific. Some gruesome events are described in so much detail, with so little feeling. The writing is amazing and so is the entire plot and mystery and end. I loved this book, but I don’t feel like I’ve understood it completely yet. And I might have felt a bit naseous at times, the smell of burned flesh appearing in my mind. Yes, it’s that kind of book, but also a big multi-dimensional mystery. Gods and shit, you know. Please read it, and then tell me what the fuck it’s about. Obviously I need it.

*SPOILERS*

Continue reading

Halfway to the Grave by Jeanie Frost

Pages: 360
Genre: fantasy, paranormal

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This book made me laugh;

“His lips brushed over my knuckles, impossibly soft. He looked into my eyes and killed me”. (Not literally I think???)

The expression on his face melted me completely. I knew I had the goofiest grin plasteret on my lips, and didn’t care. “There”, he said as he finished tying the laces on my left shoe. “Now you won’t fall.” Too late. (It’s so cheesy it hurts my pitch black soul)

Summary

It’s an thrilling and easy read with half-vampire Cat who teams up with the powerful vampire Bones to hunt down other vampires. She goes from stopping attackers at bars to trying to unravel a network similiar to human trafficking, only for blood. A half-vampire is apparently the perfect vampire hunter as she can be used for both bait and weapon, but that doesn’t keep them from sinking their fangs into her throat. Ouch, I felt for that girl.

My thoughts

tre

No one warned me this would be a vampire romance kind of book, but I should’ve guessed. It wasn’t the worst I’ve read (that would’ve deserved an award), but I got tired of it towards the end. The relationships in this book is heated and a good balance between “i want to protect this person” and “they have to choose themselves”. There’s no pretense, which I liked, but nothing very special either in my opinion. A lot of flirting and bickering, if that’s your thing.

You should read this book for the romance and action, more than for an amazing plot. As a whole, “Halfway to the Grave” is good enough, but I’m more excited to see how the story continues from here on!

– more (good? not sure) quotes –

“No, I took precautions,” he replied, searching my eyes. It was then that I noticed he was so tense, a single blow might have shattered him. “I stripped you and hid your clothes so if you woke up angry about what happened, you wouldn’t be able to run out without talking to me first.”

Not for a minute did I believe that this wasn’t goodbye. Still, I had loved and been loved in return, and there was nothing greater than that.

The Inexplicable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

somewhat similiar to “aristotle and dante discovers the secrets to the universe” and “we are the ants”, with the good feeling, but at the same time thought-provoking content

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“When is the right time for anything? Who knows? Living is an art, not a science.” 

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This beautiful young adult book is about growing up, family and dealing with serious shit. It’s a lot of crazy going on in every character’s life, but the way they stand together makes it seem like they could handle everything. I love Sal as a main character and his way of thinking, even if he doesn’t completely know himself yet, or those around him. His friend Sam is a strong girl, even with her sense of drama, and I love how it’s acknowledged. Not to forget Fito, he’s got too many jobs trying to survive until he can get to college, and he grew on me and the other characters. Sal’s dad is the definite winner. *MINOR SPOILER* “My dad grinned. ‘Some people collect stamps. Me? I collect seventeen-year-old kids.’” That sounded weirder than intended out of context. Trust me when I say he’s the best family father ever. And gay. And hispanic. I felt that should be mentioned somewhere.

I can’t really explain how magical this book feels. Benjamin Alire Sáenz also wrote “Aristotle and Dante discovers the secrets of the universe” which is a fantastic book, and this has the same feeling to it, especially the writing. It’s still two very different books, the topics and plots are not alike, but I would absoloutly recommend both. They’re something special. The one thing that irked me was how smoothly everything solves itself in the end. Sure, they have a lot of dilemmas and questions, but the dad is almost too nice of a person it seems unreal. At least as we see him through Sal’s eyes. But without the sometimes dreamy feeling the story has, it wouldn’t be what it is. And that’s a brilliant and warm book I’m so happy I read.

“’I’m proud of you,’ he said. ‘You’re a good kid. You’re gonna be somebody.’ We’re all somebody. That’s what I thought.” 

Angelfall by Susan Ee

Pages: 288
Genre: Young adult – fantasy

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Synopsis

Penryn is trying to keep her little sister and paranoid scizofrenic mother safe. It’s been six weeks since the angels took over the world and the humans around her are either in hiding or joined gangs to protect their backs. No one dares walk out at night, but Penryn has to take the chance. To hide from the angels doesn’t help if they get killed by the gangs. So she pushes her little sister’s wheelchair and try to keep an eye on her mother while walking into trouble far bigger than expected.

My thoughts

tre

It looked like a book for me from the beginning.  

I would go to the end of the world for my little brother, the same way Penryn would for her seven year old handicapped sister. Overall Penryn is a likeable character, she has flawed thinking which I’ve written more about further down, but when it boils down to it she would do anything for those she’s close to. She doesn’t especially care for the wars going on around her, nothing matters until her sister’s safe. She’s asian-american, living in the San Francisco area, a force to be reckoned with and aware of it.

The romance is much better than expected, I would even call it great. Raffe the angel is old and powerful and Penryn has conflicting emotions over him. That he has his wings cut off makes him less intimidating and dangerous, or so she believes. Raffe has a great sense of humour, he’s playing along when he wants to, but it feels like he’s lying in the middle of all the chaos having an existential crisis while Penryn is wondering what the hell she has done. I mean;

“I kick the couch for good measure. To my utter amazement, his eyes open blearily. They’re deep blue and glaring at me. ‘Can you keep it down? I’m trying to sleep.’ His voice is raw and full of pain, but somehow, he still manages to inject a certain level of condescension.”

Three things that bothered me;

  • What do you think when I say scizofrenic person? Yes, that’s the mother here; the stereotype. While reading this book, especially younger readers, it’s essential that you know not every scizofrenic person is a danger to other people, but in this book she is. The mom is capable when it comes to certain things, like her paranoid side is written to sometimes been an advantage in this dystopian world. She’s portrayed through the eyes of her daughter, who has to carry the burden, is exhausted and doesn’t seem to know all that much of scizofrenia.
  • The women at the camp of survivors/resistance are doing laundry and keeping their heads down in fear of what the big military dudes might do to them. They claim to be treated nice and no one’s ordering them around, but honestly what kind of women lives in san fransisco/silcon valley? I’m not american, but wouldn’t there be one woman capable of fighting/handling weapons/engineering before penryn comes around with her martial arts skills and short temper? The lack of other women useful to the army is the most unrealistic thing in this whole book and we’re talking about angels descending from the sky like aliens.
  • The writing varies from “oh, this is good” to “I want to sigh and/or laugh”.

It might seem so based on this review, but the “bad” things didn’t outwin the good ones in this book. I just think they’re important to point out. Overall, I enjoyed the book, but I don’t know if I’m going to read the rest of the trilogy soon.

 

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Pages: 559
Genre: fiction, contemporary

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Lessons I learned from this book:

  • The characters are pretentious fucks and very lovable
  • Do not study greek; way too dramatic, too many dead people
  • To be like Richard – always do your homework, no matter how many life-changing secrets was revealed that week
  • The line between romanticizing and actual love is difficult. Both can kill
  • If they strike you as a cult and people talk about them as a cult, you probably should be on guard at least
  • Being the drug-selling jock is better than the rich and self-aware snob because at least you’ve learned how to run a business
  • Twins in books are always freaky, even if I love these ones dearly

Synopsis

Under the influence of their charismatic classics professor, a group of clever, eccentric misfits at an elite New England college discover a way of thinking and living that is a world away from the humdrum existence of their contemporaries. But when they go beyond the boundaries of normal morality they slip gradually from obsession to corruption and betrayal, and at last – inexorably – into evil.

My thoughts 

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First reaction when finishing this book was simply; no. This book was depressing and overwhelming, making me question every action the characters had taken throughout the book as well as everything else in life (wow it’s turned me dramatic), but it was fucking great. I would recommend it to everyone. Maybe not everyone, I can think of a couple persons who would look at me in horror afterwards. Don’t know what that says about me, but there’s something so special about it; even past the brilliant writing, the murder and the fabulous bonding and group dynamic.

You can read this book two ways, the way I see it. Either as the murder mystery it is, in similar fashion (although this book is older) as “How to get away with murder”, the tv series. It has elements in common when it comes to both structure, it’s a murder mystery in reverse in the sense of it starting with the murder and backtracking from there, as well as both revolves around a group of college kids. The other way too read it would be to dive into it head first AKA seeing it from the character’s perspective, interested in the big philosophy the ancient greek’s are known for for varying reasons. You quickly realize it’s not as much about who killed someone, but why. It’s certainly a question that affects everyone lives, making or breaking their destinies.

There’s lots of characters introduced throughout the book, but the story mainly revolves around the five greek students and their peculiar and charming professor Julian Morrow. He refuses to teach bigger classes, keeps the program closed off from the rest of the school and gets away with it – because that’s how good he is at the subject. No wonder there are rumors about the group, strange and nerdy as they are where they wander around together, occasionally speaking greek or other strange languages, discussing philosophy or other matters of great importance in their world. Mostly they just get drunk off their asses and travels to their mansion of a hideaway out in the country. It’s a good mix.

We hear the story from Richard Papen’s point of view as his poor, pretentious self manages to half-trick half-impress his way into this class and group. He’s the most relatable thing about the book as he struggles with loneliness and distance; it’s just the way he sees the world, constantly watching and thinking, but at least he’s found others like him. The distance he tells the story with terrifies me, even with considering if it’s something he’s picked up after the incidents that shaped his life (I think not). But certainly it makes an interesting fit when it comes to how this story is told, through the eyes of someone so in love with them all, but also more self-aware.

Beauty is terror, according to this book, but it’s also a thing of quite the obsession. At least to Richard Papen. As all of them, he’s messed up, but the aesthetic beauty he values so highly really colors the story and how the characters are perceived. Not that they’re all glorified, more described as the greek gods they study, above everyone else, but certainly with human flaws and a mundane realness as we see them study and frustrate over homework. Just look at how Richard describes his first meeting with the group that would become his friends;

“I was confused by this sudden glare of attention; it was as if the characters in a favorite painting, absorbed in their own concerns, had looked up out of the canvas and spoken to me.”

He wants to figure the world out through studying the greek philisophers as much as he wants to figure out people by studying them. Meeting people who are as guarded and secretive as himself intrigues him, being what creates this story.

I laughed out loud multiple times throughout this book, which is weird because it’s not meant to be humoring. Still, in the way it takes surreal events and makes them real and genuine, there’s something so surprising when you snap out of it and realize what just happened. What you just accepted without questioning because it sounded so natural when told by Richard Papen. What a peculiar mind these guys have, and it was lovely to live through it for a while, even if I’ll stay the hell out of ancient greek studies. I wondered how the book would end, and I still can’t really say formulate what I think about it. If you’ve read the book, please let me know your thoughts.

 

– favourite quotes – 

“I liked the idea of living in a city—any city, especially a strange one—liked the thought of traffic and crowds, of working in a bookstore, waiting tables in a coffee shop, who knew what kind of odd, solitary life I might slip into? Meals alone, walking the dogs in the evenings; and nobody knowing who I was.”

Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones that I did not.”

“In short: I felt my existence was tainted, in some subtle but essential way.”

“He refused to see anything about any of us except our most engaging qualities, which he cultivated and magnified to the exclusion of all our tedious and less desirable ones.”

“I suppose at one time in my life I might have had any number of stories, but now there is no other. This is the only story I will ever be able to tell. “

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson

Pages: 390
Genre: Young adult – fantasy

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Synopsis

Ten years ago, Calamity came. It was a burst in the sky that gave ordinary men and women extraordinary powers. The awed public started calling them Epics. But Epics are no friend of man. With incredible gifts came the desire to rule. And to rule man you must crush his will.

Nobody fights the Epics…nobody but the Reckoners. A shadowy group of ordinary humans, they spend their lives studying Epics, finding their weaknesses, and then assassinating them.

And David wants in. He wants Steelheart — the Epic who is said to be invincible. The Epic who killed David’s father. For years, like the Reckoners, David’s been studying, and planning — and he has something they need. Not an object, but an experience.

He’s seen Steelheart bleed. And he wants revenge

My thoughts

tre

“The government eventually declared men such as Steelheart to be natural forces, like hurricanes or earthquakes.”

This book feels like superhero comics in novel version, but where all the villains have replaced the actual superheroes. It’s chaos, destruction and humans being undermined. But it’s also has an amazing team, fast-paced well-written action, story with quality and underground secret lair. Almost forgot; a lot of purposely bad metaphors which I found strange, but grew to like amazingly quick.

Brandon Sanderson writes with incredible speed and skill, while making complex stories. This is not an exception. It’s a young adult book in all the right ways; it’s definitely geared towards a younger audience and has lots of action, without being “dumbed-down”. The only difference I was laughing at, was him not being able to naturally put theology in there, but I spoke too soon. Turns out superhero-villains appearing like from empty air and crushing all hope is the perfect time to create beliefs.

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The Reckoners are a group trying to fight back. From the looks of it, they’re part of a bigger network, but claim to consist of just two groups (i don’t believe that). There’s some original types in that group and I hope I get to know them better in the next books.

I would especially recommend this book to teenage boys, it’s written as to get those action and superhero-loving guys into books. I rarely read books where the targeted group has been as clear as here. If I wasn’t more a tomboy than my brother I would recommend it to him too. I mean –  “She can shoot like a dream and she carries tiny grenades in her top, a bit of my addled mind thought. I think I might be in love.” Tell me that’s not written with the intent of marketing. Having that target-group in mind also explains the move from focus on character’s backstories to current action and problems. I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the trilogy and trying to catch up with Sanderson’s other series. If someone’s an Epic, it’s him with that writing-speed.

 

– favourite quotes –

“For some reason, I was realizing, when things got really, really tense I found it easier to relax.”

“Ponder. Worry. Stay up nights, frightened for the casualties of your ideology. It will do you good to realize the price of fighting.”

“He was right. I was letting myself get distracted, like a rabbit doing math problems instead of looking for foxes.” 

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness 

Pages: 200

Genre: young adult, horror

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Synopsis

The monster showed up after midnight. As they do.

But it isn’t the monster Conor’s been expecting. He’s been expecting the one from his nightmare, the one he’s had nearly every night since his mother started her treatments, the one with the darkness and the wind and the screaming…

This monster is something different, though. Something ancient, something wild. And it wants the most dangerous thing of all from Conor.

It wants the truth.

My thoughts

tre

“The monster showed up just after midnight. As they do.”

What struck me first was how well Patrick Ness had written Conor, considering he’s a child. A lot of authors seem to forget they’re people too and capable of understanding, so I was glad this wasn’t the case here. The kids are different from each other, but also have intentions behind their actions. Here a kid is even a bully with intent, not just because “he doesn’t know better”, something the teachers agree with:

A bully with charisma and top marks is still a bully.” … “He’ll probably be Prime Minister one day. God help us all.”

But this is not a story about bullying, it’s one about the harshness of reality, about feelings, grief and admitting the truth to yourself. And it’s a lot darker than it first seem, the monster is not some fluffy Pixar’s Monster Inc. version. I really liked the monster and the stories it told, it directs the whole story. The book is also about how it is for a kid to have to grow up all at once, preparing for his own meals and going to school when other things have become far more important. Some might call him “independent”, but he doesn’t admit to his situation, showing how he’s still a child acting on his fear, not sense of responsibility.

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To be said, this is a nice story for kids to learn to deal with grief or others to remember how good it is to not be a kid anymore. Conor acts out and want someone to reprimand him so it will shake him back to the feeling of normal. The loss of control is what’s most relatable, that frustration when the world just won’t seem to listen. Still, this book isn’t ground-breaking in the way some people claim. It’s a good idea, a heartfelt story that I shed one single tear over and okay writing, but I won’t claim to understand all of the hundred quotes in different nuances the monster told about stories.

For example; “Stories are important, the monster said. They can be more important than anything. If they carry the truth.” or: “Stories are the wildest things of all, the monster rumbled. Stories chase and bite and hunt.” I have four more similar quotes, what is the difference between them? To sound mysterious? Did nothing but annoy me, unfortunately. I honestly wondered if I was rereading past pages.

 

– final thoughts –

It reminds me of a Neil Gaiman story, but it feels like it’s trying too hard to make everything grander or more symbolic than it’s delivered. The ending wrapped everything up with a bow so perfect that it didn’t match the tone of the rest of the story, so I don’t really know what to believe. Read it if you are curious, but if not… I don’t think you’re really missing out.

The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo

Pages: 280

Genre: fantasy, fairytales

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“The beast might shout and snarl, and he might well devour her, but he’d at least been interested enough to listen to her speak.”

A new collection of short fairytale-inspired fantasy stories, some set in the grisha universe. I’ve never seen illustrations that fits the stories so well, and it’s a treat as the picture becomes more complete each time you turn the page.

I have a long and bumpy history with fairytale retellings, mostly irritated by them not modernizing or putting a twist on traditional fairytales, or doing so and forgetting to be a complete and good book as well. The stories in this book definitely mantained the magic and mysterious feeling of fairytales, while having more depth and interesting characters, not to mention the great endings. In some stories it’s clear right away where the inspiration is from, personally I seem to like the stories that were most unlike the original. While I like Bardugo’s writing, I feel it can sometimes become too focused on being clever and unexpected than actually keeping a reader attentive to the story itself. I’ve felt it in books like “crooked kingdom” before, and it seem to be more of a problem when the fairytale behind the story was obvious. It’s tricky, because the cleverness is arguably what makes her stand out as an author as well.

I have two favourite stories that I would recommend this book for alone. “When water sang fire” is the last story and I got pulled in to the relationship between Ulla and Signy and how it would play out. Also I love mermaids. “Ayama and the thorn wood a strong second “ is a close second for me, just the spirit of that girl and how she overcomes her circumstances is lovely to read.

*spoiler below*

An example of the lovely drawings, that spoils some of the plot of one story, but included as a reason you need to get this book in physical form.

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Ash by Malinda Lo

Pages: 291

Genre: fantasy – fairytales, young adult, lgbtq

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Synopsis

Cinderella retold…

In the wake of her father’s death, Ash is left at the mercy of her cruel stepmother. Consumed with grief, her only joy comes by the light of the dying hearth fire, rereading the fairy tales her mother once told her. In her dreams, someday the fairies will steal her away, as they are said to do. When she meets the dark and dangerous fairy Sidhean, she believes that her wish may be granted.

The day that Ash meets Kaisa, the King’s Huntress, her heart begins to change. Instead of chasing fairies, Ash learns to hunt with Kaisa. Though their friendship is as delicate as a new bloom, it reawakens Ash’s capacity for love-and her desire to live. But Sidhean has already claimed Ash for his own, and she must make a choice between fairy tale dreams and true love.

Entrancing, empowering, and romantic, Ash is about the connection between life and love, and solitude and death, where transformation can come from even the deepest grief.

My thoughts

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“Ash” is an okay book, with an okay main character and that’s it. Normally I like fairy tales retellings, especially if you have to guess which fairytale it is based on. In this book, however, you pretty much know straight away that it is a Cinderella story. The name of the book – and the main character – is literally Ash, as in the ash and soot Cinderella is always covered in. At the beginning, the setting sounded so promising, the fairy and fantasy-element in it so strong. Unfortunately that feeling died with her father, when she was forced away from her home and had to play it out like any other Cinderella story.

But what is a Cinderella story without a romance and a happily ever after? I was looking forward to the f/f relationship I had read all about. I am still searching for a relationship in these pages, because it never seems to start. I don’t think I can say more without spoiling the whole thing, but just know – if you want to read this book because of the lesbian/lgbtq tag/genre solely – you might want to reconsider. Unless you expect something children under twelve might call a romance, because in any relationship (friendly or romantic or sisterly), this fairytale never does anything else than skim the surface. That might be the problem for the rest of the magic elements too, we only hear about them, not actually witness them most of the time.

While this book has its magical moments, as a whole it is a bit too weak and dull. I think I’ll do as Ash and get my joy straight from the real fairytales, because this version contains too few twists or new elements to be better than the originals. Perhaps if the f/f relationship had been stronger, or maybe the plot had some original twists. But perhaps I just know too many versions of Cinderella too well, for those who only know of the Disney version, this book might be ejoyable. “Ash” had potential, but it ended there. The cover is beautiful, though.